The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
