hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
