This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
