3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
