i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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