3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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