Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
