i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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