I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
