I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
