I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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