I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
even my farts smell like vagina
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
