but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
