butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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