I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
