he puts the penis in happiness.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
