My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
