Pappa wants mamma naked
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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