I want to have your abortion
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
