soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
