So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
