Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
