Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
