i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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