I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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