I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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