I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
