Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
