He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
