i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize