you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
