she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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