Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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