My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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