Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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