is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
