I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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