I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
