he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
