I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
