Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
