he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Are we still banned from the library?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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