Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
