Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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