i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
