My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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