I like my sex mixed with concussions.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
