sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
