is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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