i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
