I hate your face
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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