u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
